This takes place after some action has taken place during the crisis. The body starts to recover from the stress and expenditure of energy. The adrenaline in our blood begins to decrease while our normal judgment returns as clear thinking begins to replace the survival response.
This is where the body enters a short period of recovery and the heart rate slips below normal while the body regains balance. As our normal level of thought returns and we assess the crisis we may begin to feel guilt, regret or emotional depression. This is normal!
What to do about it.
Delay any “conversation” (screaming and yelling) until you are calmer.
When anger is at a level where it is difficult to control words and tone, chose to deal with the issue at another time. You can say, “I am too upset to talk about this right now.” then make a plan to deal with it at another time.
Actively reduce stress and anger
Use deep breathing, exercise or leaving the situation to calm yourself till you can develop a plan of action for addressing the problem.
What do you really want?
Look for the real sources of your anger – what about this situation triggered such a strong anger response? This can be accomplished through personal reflection, by talking with a trusted friend or a coach/counselor about the situation.
Before talking to the person who is on the other side of the conflict, ask yourself:
“What exactly is bothering me?
Invest some time thinking about the conflict. Decide what your goal will be when talking with the other person. The clearer your are (sound familiar?), the more likely you are to achieve your desired result.
Remember that physical fatigue, pain, alcohol, drugs or other stresses can lower your anger threshold. Don’t engage in difficult conversations at such times if at all possible. We all have sensitive areas, based on past experience, which can trigger us to anger. The anger may not be warranted by the current situation but be a response triggered by past experience. Coaching or counseling is a great way to uncover these trigger points before they damage your life partner relationship.
Suppression of angry feelings, while sometimes necessary in the short term, is not a healthy alternative in the long term. Addressing the problem directly in a calm manner, using effective communication skills, is what will in the end resolve angry feelings.
If your life partner is angry
Do not react if he or she is attacking, blaming or accusing. Remember, when a person is experiencing heightened anger they are literally “not themselves” and won't be able to talk rationally until they have calmed down.
Ask about the problem
Ask your partner what is it about the situation that triggered such a strong response. Remember, anger is caused by frustration at not getting what we want or a feeling of not being respected or cared about. Most people, when invited to talk in a sincere way, will become calmer as their frustration or their sense of being disrespected diminishes.
Don’t keep going when anger builds
If the person is not calming down, then an invitation to discuss the issue at another time is appropriate. Do not remain in a situation where someone is yelling at you, calling you names or making threats. Such behavior is unacceptable and may require professional mediation. It certainly has no place in a loving life partner relationship.
I know this weeks tip was more like two but hey I was angry! And now that I have talked it out with you things are better and soon I will put up a new blog and all well again.
Till next week.
To your success!
P.S. You can grab your very own copy of the Find Your Perfect Life Partner System today right here at www.findyourperfectlifepartner.com